You still haunt my dreams. You flutter in my waking moments, where I turn to tell you something odd I thought or found... but you're not there. I want to bitch to you about inconsequential shit, my weekly vicissitudes of ups and downs that won't matter in the long run. I really want to know how your day went, and want to be in it. I want to feel you in my arms, feel and hear you breathe , hold your hand and devour it with every sensory organ I have. I long to share and hear your tales, your gossip, your views. I long for your cute and not so cute outbursts on the important and the mundane. I long for you, the good and bad. In all of it that was, I must confess, there was a sense of completeness and fulfillment. Maybe that is why breaking apart was not so easy for me for so long. Because as bad as the bad sometimes got, it never escaped my mind as to how much I loved the whole. I still love the whole. My only obstacle now is my stubborn mind, trying to make my equally stubborn and asinine inner self to bow down to its will. This is easy enough when I can rub away the old and start away with a clean slate. I seem to have stumbled upon something I don't want to rub away. I can't seem to bow down to the logic of my mind... this time. You my dear, are the most wonderful virus that has ever infected my heart and soul; the only thing to have so embarrassingly overpowered my mind, and who after all those weirdly negative moments that would have made me not think of another person twice, can still make me fill with true warmth with the slightest thought. I will always miss you, and I will always love you.
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